What is the opposite of an enthusiast car?

"DeWayneV8" (squirmish) 06/03/2015 at 11:23 • Filed to: None

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I’ve been thinking about what car appeals to car enthusiasts the least, the most “un-jalop” car if you will. My initial thought was minivans, but then I realized that while I don’t want a minivan I do respect them because they are built for a purpose. They are the way they are for a reason. A minivan has the same function over form that a Wrangler does.

My next go-to was the whole coupe-crossover craze (thanks X6), but again I realized that my extreme distaste for them means they do illicit an emotional response. I may hate them, but as enthusiasts we love and hate things with reckless abandon and boundless enthusiasm. For example: I’m a Mustang guy, but I don’t want to live in a world where the Camaro doesn’t exist. A world without completely idiotic cars like the X6 might be prettier, but it’d be less interesting.

Then it hit me. The Volkswagen Eos. It literally makes me feel nothing, I’d almost forgotten it exists until I saw one in a parking lot. I don’t know what it is about the car, it’s a two door convertible like a Miata, but it’s so anonymous both in style and function that it’s the gray blob of the automotive world. What do you think?

daender > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:25

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An appliance.

SaveTheIntegras > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:26

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a toyota camry

itranthelasttimeiparkedit > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:26

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my father in law had one, they’re not good or bad. middle of the road vw

DeWayneV8 > itranthelasttimeiparkedit 06/03/2015 at 11:27

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That’s exactly what I mean....they are so “meh”. At least bad cars are fun to poke at or joke about...the Eos is nothing.

somerandomdudeo > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:28

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The Audi A2. Small city car that was too expensive and didnt really look that cool. Its niether a here ot there. Its in the... grey area.

Milky > itranthelasttimeiparkedit 06/03/2015 at 11:29

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A very expensive middle of the road. These things were $38k right? Hell naw.

DeWayneV8 > somerandomdudeo 06/03/2015 at 11:30

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At least the A2 was interesting from an engineering standpoint. It was different. The Eos to me is just....so unbelievably mediocre in every way. At least I can pick on a bad car.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > itranthelasttimeiparkedit 06/03/2015 at 11:31

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This song just popped up on my Pandora radio as I clicked the link. Wow. Coincidental.

nermal > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:31

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I’d say anything that puts getting to the destination as a priority over the trip itself.

A minivan? Meant to get a load of people from A to B. A truck? Same thing, replace people with stuff. A Camry, or most other midsize sedan? Same, just less people and stuff.

An enthusiast car is something that makes you want to drive, not just to move people or stuff around. A Raptor, a GTI, a Miata, a Porsche, they all add excitement and enthusiasm to the mix. Such that you enjoy the journey as much or more than the destination.

DeWayneV8 > daender 06/03/2015 at 11:31

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You know, I almost went with this....but the Prius is almost like the annoying kid you keep around just to pick on. It’s so fun to make fun of. The Eos is just....forgettable.

Steve Zissou > daender 06/03/2015 at 11:31

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But at least the Prius is a feat of engineering.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:32

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Automatic. With the 1.4 or 1.6l NA that it seems every other high school girl got for her first car.

Slow? Incredibly.

Noisy? Yup.

Build quality? Abysmal.

Comfy? HAHAHA nope. Typical rock-hard VW seats.

But OH GOD IT’S CUTE I’M GONNA PUT EYELASHES ON IT.

At least the turbo models have some redeeming fun factor, but the New Beetle just has so many weird design decisions it bugs the shit out of me. Also I hate cab-forward and the Beetle literally has a three-foot-deep dashboard. It’s insane.

I like the flower vase, though.

DeWayneV8 > SaveTheIntegras 06/03/2015 at 11:32

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This would be the clear winner, except toyota has made the car so easy to hate through terrible advertising.....I don’t want to live in a world without our “grounded to the ground” joke!

Steve Zissou > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:32

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They’re called unthusiast cars, and the answer is Malibu. At least the Eos has a hardtop convertible, right? That’s something?

MultiplaOrgasms > somerandomdudeo 06/03/2015 at 11:33

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However it was lighter and more aerodynamic than its contemporaries, was therefore faster and handled better. Plus the diesel got 70mpg.

kanadanmajava1 > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:34

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Here they are pretty rare even though nearly every other VW sells pretty well in Finland. I think I have seen only 2-3 examples.

I think that Qashqai is the least enthusiast vehicle that you can find here. Old people say that they like them because they are easy to step in. Nissan should have that slogan for marketing them.

New Nissan Qashqai - it’s easy to step in

DeWayneV8 > nermal 06/03/2015 at 11:34

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Yea but I can respect real work trucks because I can respect a good piece of machinery. The Eos is so bland and mediocre I can’t even hate it. It’s that boring.

Alex B > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:34

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The X6 will be loved by Jalops everywhere in 10-20 years time.

thebigbossyboss > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:35

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*puts on flame suit*

DeWayneV8 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 06/03/2015 at 11:35

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See....you hate it too much. If it didn’t exist WHAT WOULD YOU BITCH ABOUT?!?! Lol, I can’t even hate an Eos. It’s that boring.

BlurpleToyotaDishwasher > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:37

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There’s two ways you can go, really; either brand-over-function (X6 et.al.) or soul-crushing adequacy, in which case I’d suggest the ‘97-’01 Toyota Corolla. The EOS kind of falls between the two.

DeWayneV8 > thebigbossyboss 06/03/2015 at 11:37

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This. Was. Brave.

The Real Dacia Sandero > Steve Zissou 06/03/2015 at 11:37

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The EOS has a convertible top and a 2.0l turbo engine. That counts for something.

And it’s either the malibu or Impala, I can’t remember which, that has this base under the front seats so that rear passengers have no leg room. That’s the kinda engineering you look for in an unthusiast car.

DeWayneV8 > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 06/03/2015 at 11:38

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God, I love NOFX.

DeWayneV8 > Steve Zissou 06/03/2015 at 11:39

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The malibu is so bad, and the internet needs bad cars to make jokes about and rip on. It’s like campy movies, so bad they’re good.

DeWayneV8 > kanadanmajava1 06/03/2015 at 11:40

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Holy crap I’d forgotten that thing exists too. That’s a good one.

DeWayneV8 > Alex B 06/03/2015 at 11:40

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Exactly.

thebigbossyboss > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:41

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Thanks. Honestly 3 series are just so meh to me now. Everyone who makes decent money or like to pretend that they do has one. I like one of the older modela (92-96?) something like that, but the modern ones are everywhere and seem every bit as boring as a camry. I will be shot for these comments, but these are how I really feel.

Of course, people will say “you don’t get it” and they’re right I don’t. I just don’t. lol.

DeWayneV8 > BlurpleToyotaDishwasher 06/03/2015 at 11:43

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OMG, ‘98 Corolla. Winner. It’s the 3 Dimensional interpretation of BEIGE.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:44

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I’d bitch about the non-turbo PT Cruiser. OR the 98 Chevy Lumina (god what a miserable vehicle) or the Ford Taurus bubble-mobile.

DeWayneV8 > thebigbossyboss 06/03/2015 at 11:45

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I think the problem is that they’re just so fat and complicated now. I feel that Acura’s models are similar...compare an Integra to a TLX or whatever the crap they call it now.

DeWayneV8 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 06/03/2015 at 11:46

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See....the EOS is so bland I can’t even bitch about it. It’s a chick car is all I’ve got. At least Camrys are easy to hate, gives me something to do.

somerandomdudeo > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:47

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Yeah I suppose. But I kind of like the eos, it does have a gard top convertible which is impressive. So it still has simething going for it. Its difficult to think of the most un-jalop car because it is going be one that goes unoticed due to its boringness

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:48

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I honestly don’t hate the EOS... it’s not terrible looking with the top down. A bit funky with the top up, but at least it has interesting headlights and some character lines that looks sorta classy. If it had an option for a decently peppy engine and wasn’t so horribly expensive I would consider one, except VW.

Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:49

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I think huge luxobarges would make you seem like not a car person. Like an LS, 7-series, or an A8. Cause they’re mainly for luxury and not for driving I guess? Sure they come in sporty variations that might make it more car enthusiasty.

For your X6 argument, I’m going to say that someone wrote that we want wagons as car people because we want to be unique. Yeah, there’s no way out of saying that the X6 is definitely unique but the car people argument might be a little more far fetched.

People who say Camry. The Camry SE and XSE owners, I’d say might be car enthusiasts because they’re trying so hard to keep to their car entusiast side but part of them needs the reliability and the space.

daender > Steve Zissou 06/03/2015 at 11:50

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Feat of engineering does not mean fun to drive, especially if you’re trying to hyper-mile it.

clangus > thebigbossyboss 06/03/2015 at 11:51

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That’s what? About 13 ft of car?

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 11:52

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I had one of these to drive while on vacation in England. The Vauxhall Corsa SE - “It’s a car, probably”. Too wide for English country roads, IMHO, jittery over bumps at speed, limp-ish steering, vague gear shift, blase engine sounds... and just comfortable enough to make you ignore the fact that you’re actually driving something and not make it restful or soothing. So very beige.

Milky > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 12:01

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For the person who wants to look sporty but doesn’t actually know anything.

BlurpleToyotaDishwasher > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 12:07

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It’s very affordable, reliable, practical car. However, it makes a road trip feel like a commute.

For bonus points, the European version has bug-eye headlights to make it seem more interesting - like the most boring work colleague telling you how ‘wacky’ they are.

X37.9XXS > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 12:18

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the ultimate anti-enthusiast car

DoYouEvenShift > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 12:20

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I agree with you. Im a Camaro guy, and dont want to live in a world without a Mustang. Competiton helps to drive innovation.

shop-teacher > Milky 06/03/2015 at 12:22

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I actually kind of like the way they look. I would never drive one, because I know the truth of what they are, but they don’t look half bad.

Svend > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 12:22

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Lol. My neighbour has just bought one (waiting for the DVLA (U.K.s DMV) to get back with his licence plate). He wanted something the least practical but drivable. He doesn’t work (reduced mobility) so his friends and family keep saying as your available can you do this and that, with this car he can’t move furniture around or pick up large TVs so now he has the perfect excuse of ‘I can’t, it won’t fit into my car’. Lol.

shop-teacher > DoYouEvenShift 06/03/2015 at 12:24

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Same here. When the new Mustang came out in 2005, I remember saying to my Ford guy frined, “I hope they sell a shit-ton of those, so that Chevy will see there is a market for a new Camaro.”

Tapas > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 12:26

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Accord, Camry, Corolla, Civic, Maxima, Odessey, Ecoline, Sienna, Mazda5, PT Cruiser...mostly any blob without character.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 12:54

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That car is a bad example for this question because it is brown and potentially diesel and/or manual.

not for canada - australian in disguise > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 12:57

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Kia Magentis, specifically the first generation.

DeWayneV8 > DoYouEvenShift 06/03/2015 at 13:02

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Yea....what’s GM going to do about the GT350? Do I feel a 7500 RPM LT engine? Ah....progress.

DeWayneV8 > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 06/03/2015 at 13:02

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God, those headlights.

DeWayneV8 > not for canada - australian in disguise 06/03/2015 at 13:03

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What....is....this....awful....oh....god...

DeWayneV8 > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 06/03/2015 at 13:03

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Not even that can save the Eos from mediocrity and forgetfulness.

Telumektar > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 13:03

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I don’t think there is such thing, some car that is against enthusiasts in its core.

I think that any car, even automatic slouches, can be an enthusiasts best friend as much as a superultramega fast car can be seen by a non enthusiast as just a car, prioritizing its monetary value and relative status bump over any other factor such as technical or aesthetic qualities.

Cars are cars, we give them significance.

DeWayneV8 > X37.9XXS 06/03/2015 at 13:04

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I will say one thing....it’s fun to make fun of. Sort of like the aluminum block vega.

DeWayneV8 > Telumektar 06/03/2015 at 13:06

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You cannot give an Eos significance. It’s the vehicle the spoiled basic bitch drives to college and then throws away when daddy gets her an Evoque for graduation.

DoYouEvenShift > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 13:18

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Im sure they have something up there sleeve. If there is a higher output LT engine, well see it in the Vette first. Camaro isnt even in production yet, so theres time. Personally, I hope they put the LT4 in there. High rpms are cool and everything, but Id much rather watch the speedo climb versus a tach. Theres rumors of a new big inch high revver in the works.

DeWayneV8 > DoYouEvenShift 06/03/2015 at 13:34

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I work for a company that does a lot of benchmarking, and the LT4 is so, so bad with power degradation due to heat soak. It pulls so much timing. I do not like it at all as a track engine...maybe in the camaro they will redesign the integrated charge air cooler for a more robust design. The packaging is just so tight in the vette there is no space for one that is large enough.

I hope there is a naturally aspirated engine in the works.

Jonee > X37.9XXS 06/03/2015 at 13:55

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No way. You’d have to be enthusiastic about it to own one. And, it’s totally Jalop to drive a Yugo.

Jonee > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 14:01

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There’s a big difference between “un-Jalop” and anti-enthusiast. It’s totally Jalop to drive the wheels off an Eos or even a Corolla. A Jalop makes good with what he or she has and if they love their car good for them. Anti-enthusiast is like a Yaris which just gets you around in relative comfort with no regard for driving enjoyment. But, a Yaris could totally be Jalop in the right hands.

DeWayneV8 > Jonee 06/03/2015 at 14:07

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Fair point. I was more asking what car is just.....there. At least a bad or hideous car will get us talking, the Eos isn’t worth talking about in any way at all to me. It’s not good or bad. It’s nothing.

GTI Sprinks > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 14:14

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Mixed bag. Spirit of a cabriolet with a hard-top that’s retractable. Same engine as alot of golf’s/jetta’s meaning readily available tunes and tuner parts. If anything, potential for sleeper fun. I will say the biggest surprise was walking by one in the parking lot and seeing an APR badge on one (which supposedly indicates APR tune on it) and immediately thought “wouldn’t be too bad for a fun car”.

DeWayneV8 > GTI Sprinks 06/03/2015 at 14:19

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While I admit everything you’re saying is true....admit it. You were surprised to see APR on there because you forgot the car even existed.

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 14:30

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The eos wouldn’t be my choice.

After all, the car does come standard with a Dual-Clutch gearbox, a VERY tunable VW TSI engine, and generally quite fun characteristics.

As for the opposite of the enthusiast car; I’d say Veyron. Yes, it’s a Quad-Turbo W16 monstrosity, but I just cannot picture any sane gearhead wanting one for any reason but to sell it to fun their Porsche track car or mustang dragster. The only people who would buy veyrons are middle-eastern sheiks, or Justin "The Biebes" Dumbieber

GTI Sprinks > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 14:33

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Oh absolutely. And then oddly enough started seeing them everywhere, typically driven middle-aged ladies. Go figure.

DeWayneV8 > PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power 06/03/2015 at 14:44

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I chose the Eos because it makes me feel nothing. I don’t particularly like the Veyron, but it at least makes me feel something, however negative it may be.

I get what you’re saying though.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 14:51

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Mr. Regular made exactly the point. Every community needs something to hate to bring them together.

DoYouEvenShift > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 14:55

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I remember reading that the engineers were very very limited in space due to the low hood. They should have quite a bit more to work with in the Camaro.

Im excited to see what they do regardless if its NA or FI

Jonee > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 15:05

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It’s definitely a car I always forget exists and then I’ll see one and be like “what is...? Oh, right. That thing.” At least it comes in brown and the top goes down. I think a Nissan Sentra is just a car. All you’re looking for is 4 wheels when you buy one of those.

Milky > shop-teacher 06/03/2015 at 15:08

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That mr shop teacher was my point. For looking sporty but not actually being sporty …. a car enthusiast would know better.

DeWayneV8 > Jonee 06/03/2015 at 15:55

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Oh god the Sentra. That’s a good one!

Jonee > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 16:15

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My parents just had one as a rental and it was one of the most godawful things I've ever driven. It handled ok, but that CVT. Good lord kill me.

shop-teacher > Milky 06/03/2015 at 16:41

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Yep, and I agree with you. I guess that didn’t come across?

NJAnon > DeWayneV8 06/03/2015 at 16:58

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Well many sedans. and also the Dodge Avenger. And the Yugo. And the Corolla S. From factory, those cars weren’t going for any “enthusiasm” aspect. They were going for “built by committee” aspect and their result of poor comparison testing and overall aura of sadness should be enough evidence.

I wouldn’t bother with an engine swap either (any past company excluded. I hope it was worth it)